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Messages - puddin

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1
Fanfics / McDate
« on: November 24, 2018, 09:07:50 pm »
this is a horrible joke fanfic about hunter x hunter, read at ur own risk

Tonight was a special night. Chrollo was all dressed up in a fancy suit, with his weird forehead cross tattoo covered so the public wouldn’t judge him. He had even broken into someone’s house to take a shower. Tonight, he was taking you out on a date.
You sat in the car next to him, singing along to his favorite song, Thrift Shop by Macklemore. Soon you could see it: the bright yellow McDonald’s sign shining like a beacon in the night as the two of you approached the shopping center.
“Since we’re almost there, what’s your order?” Chrollo asked. “Choose something from the dollar menu. Or we can get a McPick 2.”
You loved how thrifty he was! Chrollo really knew how to save his money.
“I’ll have a McChicken, no mayo,” you replied as you two entered the parking lot.
Chrollo parked the car and unbuckled his seatbelt. Then he pulled out a gun.
“Alright, wait in the car while I go get the burgers.”
“Babe do you really have to steal 2 burgers.”
“Robbery is a lifestyle not a hobby, [y/n].”
“It’s like $2 worth of food, you’re just inconveniencing yourself at this point.”
Chrollo started to protest, but he knew you were right. “Fine. We’ll go to the drive thru.”
He pulled out of the parking spot and drove around to the drive thru entrance.
“Welcome to McDonald’s, may I take your order?” a muffled voice came through the speaker thing.
“Yeah, can I get uhhh the McPick 2 for $2 with one spicy McChicken, no mayo, and one 10 piece chicken McNuggets.”
“I’m sorry sir, did you mean the McPick 2 for $5?”
“No, the McPick 2 for $2.”
“It’s $5 now.”
“Gimme a sec.” Chrollo paused and looked at the menu again. “Alright, scratch the McNuggets. Give me a cheeseburger, no cheese, no lettuce or whatever other strange vegetables you put on them. And no ketchup either. Just give me the meat and the bun.”
“Will that be all for today, sir?”
“Yes.”
“Would you like to add a small drink for $1?”
“I just said that would be all for today.”
“Alright, I have a spicy McChicken and a cheeseburger with just the meat and bun, is that correct?”
“No mayo.”
“The cheeseburger doesn’t come with mayo.”
“No, on the McChicken.”
“No mayo on the McChicken?”
“Yes.”
“Yes, mayo on the McChicken?”
“No, no mayo on the McChicken.”
“Okay. That’ll be $2 at the next window.”
“**** dumb ****,” Chrollo cursed under his breath as he pulled up to the next window.
You were distracted looking at your phone, so Chrollo’s loud reaction to seeing the cashier made you jump a little in your seat.
“Hisoka?! You work at McDonald’s?” he exclaimed, disgust written on his face.
You X’ed out of the Kim Kardashian app and looked up. Sure enough, that clown was on shift, looking like Ronald McDonald himself.
“You eat at McDonald’s? I thought you had more expensive tastes,” Hisoka countered, wearing a sly grin. “Well, this was the only place that would hire me without making me change my appearance. Clown rights!”
“I’m on a date,” Chrollo explained, just to flex on Hisoka’s lonely ass.
“Without me? That’s so unsexy of you,” Hisoka pouted.
“Can you just give us the **** food?” said Chrollo.
“I’m afraid I can’t. You still haven’t paid.”
Chrollo actually didn’t bring any money with him since he originally planned on stealing the burgers, so he didn’t know what to do.
“I got it,” you said, pulling out your wallet and grabbing some money. You wanted to get rid of your change, so you counted $2 in coins and handed them to Chrollo to give to Hisoka.
Hisoka counted the change and said, “You’re still 5 cents short.”
“No we’re not,” you said.
“Yeah you are,” he said.
“No look, we gave you 7 quarters so that’s $1.75, plus 2 dimes and a nickel which equals $2. You must be confusing the nickels and dimes.”
“Perhaps,” he conceded, then he turned away to grab the food and handed it to Chrollo. “Alright, here’s your naked burger and spicy McChicken without mayo.”
“Please don’t call it that,” said Chrollo.
“What else would I call it? It’s a **** McChicken.”
“No the burger.”
“Naked burger?”
“Stop it.”
“Make me.”
Chrollo drove away.
You reached in the bag and grabbed your McChicken. “Do you want your burger right now?” you asked.
“No, I’m driving,” he said.
“Okay.” You left his in the bag and started to unwrap yours. You were about to take a bite when you noticed the revolting white substance on the lettuce. “**** crackhead put mayo on this,” you grumbled.
“We’re going back.”
“No it’s okay, I’ll just wipe it off.”
“The dipshit probably did it on purpose. We’re going back and getting what we paid for,” he said.
Chrollo didn’t hesitate. He drove straight past the speaker box thing to the pay window.
“Back already? Couldn’t resist our juicy buns?” Hisoka purred, resting his elbows on the windowsill like he was waiting for you guys to come.
“You messed up our order,” Chrollo deadpanned.
“Oh, was your burger not naked enough? Do you just want the box this time?”
“Don’t mock my tastes. You know good and well what you did. Fix it.”
“What’ll you do if I don’t?”
A moment of baffled silence passed. “Can I speak to the manager?” Chrollo demanded.
“Oh? What do you think he’ll do? Punish me? Nngh, I’m so turned on.”
“Forget it! Just give me the McChicken.”
“You’ll have to beg me for it!” Hisoka teased.
Chrollo lost it. He got out of the car and jumped through the pay window, tackling Hisoka to the ground. You couldn’t see anything, but the clanking of pots and pans told you someone was getting beat up. Chrollo soon reappeared with the new McChicken in his hand. By the time he got the car started up again, Hisoka was back at the window, bleeding from the forehead. “No tip?” he called out after you as you drove away.
“This is why I just stick to stealing ****,” Chrollo said.
“Understandable,” you said.
“Oh, here’s the McChicken. Sorry if it got a little smashed,” he said, handing you the sandwich.
“It’s okay, thanks for getting it for me,” you said.
“No problem. And sorry this date was so terrible, I wasn’t counting on him working there. Thought he was unemployed.”
“I’m just glad I got to spend time with you,” you said, leaning over to kiss him on the cheek.
Then the two of you drove back to the dumpster behind Burger King where Chrollo lived so you could eat your food at long last.

2
LightClan / Re: maybe i hate everything // joining
« on: October 07, 2018, 04:49:52 pm »
an interesting fellow, this cat was. he looked a little unapproachable, but indigo was curious regardless. when his clanmate approached the strange tom, he supposed he should follow. the gray feline approached as well, though he didn't say anything.

3
Welcome~! / Re: soo....
« on: May 24, 2018, 12:27:05 pm »
that’s so ominous

4
LightClan / Re: sugar and spice and everything nice (joining!)
« on: May 08, 2018, 06:19:15 pm »
the white molly rolled her eyes, pinning her ears back as pepper’s loud voice pierced the air. yeah, that was what they were doing. but there was no need to say anything now. her sister had already explained it rather annoyingly. salty simply flicked her tail to affirm what pepper already said.

5
Everything else / Re: RP idea 8D
« on: April 25, 2018, 12:45:49 pm »
glad to hear it fam

6
Plots !? / Re: haha i exist
« on: April 22, 2018, 02:20:29 pm »
yee she is apprentice-aged, 6 moons

7
Plots !? / Re: haha i exist
« on: April 21, 2018, 03:07:01 pm »
hello me too

i have
indigo the gay grandpa
cypress the harmless sociopath
and salty mcbitch

9
LightClan / sugar and spice and everything nice (joining!)
« on: April 19, 2018, 07:46:49 pm »
salty approached the border of lightclan, and with every step the white she-cat became more enraged. this was the dumbest idea pepper ever had! the last thing she wanted to do was be around more cats; her idiot of a sibling was more than enough. it was too bad they relied on each other for food and protection, otherwise salty would gladly leave pepper behind. "are you sure about this?" she growled bitterly as they finally reached the scent line.

10
Character Families && Galleries / Re: }} puddin's character gallery
« on: April 19, 2018, 07:02:00 pm »
GENERAL INFORMATION
NAME: salty - saltpaw
AGE: 6 moons
GENDER: female

APPEARANCE
BREED: domestic shorthair
COLORING: plain white cat with yellow eyes
BUILD: on the small side but not extremely; average fitness level
VOICE: low for a she-cat, acerbic

PERSONALITY
istj / libra / true neutral
POSITIVE TRAITS:
NEUTRAL TRAITS:
NEGATIVE TRAITS:
NOTES:

INTERACTION
thinking - "speaking" - attacking
- mentally medium, physically medium
- will attack, might kill
- powerplay peaceful actions

RELATIONSHIPS
RELATIONSHIP STATUS: single & open
SEXUALITY: bisexual
LIKES:
NEUTRAL:
DISLIKES:

HISTORY
- was an orphaned rogue until she joined lightclan with pepper

PLOTS

11
Character Adoptions / Re: salt & pepper siblings!
« on: April 19, 2018, 06:49:38 pm »
ok dope
i feel like pepper would be the one to suggest joining cause salt is super bitter about everything?
but u can decide

12
LightClan / Re: cookies & cream // joining
« on: April 19, 2018, 01:08:27 pm »
a cool gaze met with the stranger's face, and a light smile rested on the ex-kittypet's maw. "i'm here to join this clan," she purred, voice filled with honey but tone determined. "my name is.." oreo trailed off for a moment, wondering if she should state her true name. it was rather embarrassing to tell people her name was oreo. she and every other black and white cat had that name; it wasn't unique at all. this was a new beginning for her, so she supposed a new name would be fitting. the turkish van scanned her surroundings, odd eyes falling on a thin, dark tree which tapered to a point. "call me cypress," she mewed decisively.

13
Character Adoptions / Re: salt & pepper siblings!
« on: April 19, 2018, 01:02:05 pm »
do u wanna have a joint joining thread?

14
Original stories / The Furry Club - A short story
« on: April 14, 2018, 06:05:12 pm »
This is an abomination to writing but I would appreciate some critiques before I turn it in for a grade on Tuesday.

The Furry Club
It was a fateful Tuesday at Clovis South High School. Tabitha, a transfer student, was talking to her friend Liz before class. The two students failed to notice that they were in a certain someone's usual spot.
"Excuse me?" said the boy who had crept up behind Liz.
Liz turned to face him but didn’t say a word.
"Hello?" the boy spoke again.
"Who are you?" Tabitha piped in.
“I should be asking you that. But whatever. I’m Furnando,” said Furnando.
Tabitha observed that Liz was in no mood for talking, so she went ahead and introduced them both. Then suddenly Liz interjected, “Why are you here?”
“You’re in my spot,” said Furnando.
“Oh, am I?” Liz asked with an ominous chuckle. “Well, pardon me.”
With a sweep of her black trench coat, Liz was gone, and Tabitha was alone with Furnando.
Weird, thought Tabitha. It's not like Liz to just give up her seat like that. I remember the last time someone stood up to her like that— Liz got detention for homicide. This boy must be very powerful... Or Liz has something planned...
"Oh hey! Someone left some chips here! Well, finders keepers, losers weepers."
Furnando's voice snapped Tabitha back to reality.
"Want a chip?" he asked.
Tabitha was just about to seize the morsel when Furnando drew his hand back and shoved the chip in his own mouth. "HA! Just kidding, they're all for me."
"Actually, they're all for me," said Mr. Sensei, grabbing the bag and throwing it in the trash. "No eating in my class."
Furnando looked dejectedly at the floor, and Tabitha almost felt sorry for him. Damn, what a rebel, she thought.
"Now class," Mr. Sensei began, "Today we will be discussing the meaning of George Orwell’s Animal Farm. Would anyone like to share their th--yes, Cole Slaw?"
"I think Animal Farm is vegan propaganda."
"Interesting perspective. Is that a hand I see, Francesca?"
"Yeah. I think it just shows that Orwell was speciesist and preferred some animals over the others."
"What in the world is wrong with these people?" Tabitha muttered to herself. "I know literature is difficult to comprehend, but still."
"Did you say something, Tabby?" said Mr. Sensei.
God, I need to get out of here before I really blow up, the blonde high schooler thought.
At that moment, both Tabitha and Furnando raised their hands to go to the bathroom. "Can I go to the bathroom?" they asked.
"Furnando, you can go. Tabitha, you can go when Furnando gets back. I don’t want anything silly to happen in the bathroom," Mr. Sensei said, winking.
Furnando left and Tabitha pouted in her chair.
"Now, let's get back to the discussion. Liz, I haven't heard from you."
The raven-haired girl stared unflinchingly into Mr. Sensei’s eyes, but didn't say a word.
Oh no, bad idea to call on her like that, Tabitha thought.
But then Liz spoke: "Animal Farm is an allegory for the Russian Revolution of 1917 and the Stalinist era of the Soviet Union. It is meant to warn against the terrors of communism."
Then everyone clapped.
"Great observation, Liz!" said Mr. Sensei.
Oh, my God, thought Tabitha. Literally, it’s not that deep. Maybe the guy just liked his animals. If I don’t get out of here soon I’m really going to go crazy.
"Mr. Sensei, I really gotta drop the kids off at the pool, if you know what I mean. Pinch a loaf if you catch my drift. THE POOP IS COMING AND IF YOU DON’T LET ME GO I WILL SMEAR MY HERSHEY SQUIRTS ALL OVER THIS DESK,” Tabitha screamed.
 Mr. Sensei, not wanting to deal with that problem, allowed Tabitha to go.
--
When Tabitha arrived at the bathroom, she encountered two doors, each with some unfamiliar symbols on the front. One sign featured a stick figure, and the other sign had a stick figure whose body was a triangle. Tabitha figured the regular stick figure was for people wearing pants, and since she was wearing jeans, she opened that door and headed in.
"Finally, I can get some peace of mind," Tabitha said to herself.
"What the heck! Is that a girl's voice!" yelled someone from another stall. A brown-haired boy charged out, fists ripe and ready for a fight.
Big Chungo. Tabitha had heard of him. He was so strong he once beat even Liz in a fight, and she’d taken karate since the third grade.
"What are you doing in here, you pervert!" Chungo yelled. Just as Tabitha was about to be pounded into the ground, a tsunami of fecal matter swept the two of them off their feet.
"Ew, gross!" Chungo cried and ran out of the bathroom.
Tabitha, however, stood still in amazement. "Who...who did this?" she stammered.
"That would be me," said a familiar voice. It was Furnando.
Tabitha ran over to give her hero a big poopy hug. "Furnando...You saved my life!"
"Ah, well, all in a day's work I guess."
Wow, now I know why Liz left this boy alone. He's extremely powerful, Tabitha thought.
"You're not from around here, are you, Tabitha?"
"I just transferred from Clovis West. How did you know?"
"This is the boys' restroom."
“What, no way! Well, heh, I just saw a better interpretation of Animal Farm in here than I did in all of English class.”
“What do you mean?”
“It’s really just a big **** show.”
Tabitha and Furnando got cleaned up and headed back to class. Mr. Sensei saw them walk in together and rolled his eyes. Ah, young love, there's no stopping it I guess, the English teacher thought to himself.
"Well, that about concludes today's class," Mr. Sensei said. "Tabitha and Furnando, you came back just in time to get your homework assignment!"
Tabitha got her things and ran outside to catch up to Liz. "So Liz, that Furnando guy's pretty powerful, huh?" she asked with a smirk.
Liz stopped walking. "He's nothing special."
"You sure gave up your seat to him pretty quickly though." Tabitha gasped. "You have a crush on him!"
Liz smirked and raised her fist. "No... but I will crush him." With a swish of her trench coat, she vanished.
"Well great, now I have to walk alone," Tabitha mumbled, and her stomach grumbled.
I’m so hungry, she thought, and she went to the vending machine to buy some chips. She got angry just thinking about how Mr. Sensei threw Furnando's chips away in class. Maybe, just maybe, he might have shared them with her and then she wouldn't have had to spend her money on the overpriced vending machine chips. Seriously, $2.50 for a bag of Cool Ranch™ Doritos®? That's ludicrous.
Just as she was about to insert her dollar in the machine, Tabitha was knocked over by none other than Furnando. "Move over, peon, daddy's hungry."
The sheer power of that boy...Where does he get it? Tabitha wondered as she lied on the floor.
Furnando came Tabitha's way with about $50 worth of chips. "Want one?" he asked.
"Yeah, thanks," Tabitha said, reaching out for a bag.
"GIRL, you thought!" Furnando hollered, swiping them away.
"Come on, you're really gonna eat all those chips?" Tabitha asked incredulously.
"Uh, yeah, that's why I bought ‘em."
"Is that where all your powers come from?" Tabitha asked.
"Powers?" Furnando asked, perplexed.
"Your incredible strength!"
"Oh. Well, you see..." Furnando pointed to his face.
"Why are you pointing to your face?" Tabitha asked.
"What, you don't notice anything...different...ab out it?"
"Uhh, you got a haircut?"
"No."
"You’re wearing makeup?”
"Are you blind? Half of my face is literally a wolf. I can do anything a wolf can."
"Oh, that makes sense," Tabitha said, processing this information. "But that doesn't explain how you were able to cause such a massive diarrheal explosion earlier."
Furnando looked off into the distance, a grim look on his face. "That's the thing...I don't know how I did it either."
--
As Tabitha rounded the corner on her way to English class the next day, she was blocked by a huge crowd of students, the police, and several news reporters.
"What’s going on here?" Furnando said, coming up behind Tabitha.
"No idea," she replied. "I can't get through."
"Allow me," Furnando said, wielding his claws and threatening anyone who got in his way. "S’cuse me, pardon me..."
Tabitha followed behind him. The crowd parted like the red sea, and in the middle of the red sea...was another red sea. Of blood.
"JANITOR JOHNNY!” came Furnando's agonized scream. He collapsed on the floor and started caressing the dead custodian’s grimy black hair.
"Oh Johnny, sweet Johnny," Furnando cooed. "Who would do such a thing to you? All you ever did was clean our toilets. You were Clovis South’s humble servant. And they made you a martyr; for what cause? This was a man with dreams, with ambitions. And now look at him. He's a corpse. He's a red Sourpatch kid in a puddle of Kool-Aid. From now on, Johnny, I will be your hands, your eyes, your feet. I will make sure to always flush the toilet from now on. I will even eat the cafeteria food you used to so lovingly make until I contract salmonella and return to you in the next life.” Furnando stood up, blood on his face, rage in his eyes. "I don't know what exactly has transpired in this wretched hell you call a school, but I swear to God, Johnny, whoever did this to you will feel my wrath."
"I think you mean what did this to him, Furnando," said Tabitha. "Look what he's holding."
Johnny had in his grip the chips Mr. Sensei had thrown away yesterday, and he had crumbs on his face.
"You mean...Janitor Johnny was allergic to chips?!" Furnando exclaimed.
"No," said a police detective. "These chips were poisoned. The real question is: why was Johnny eating chips from the trash?"
"That's easy," said Furnando. "I’m Furnando, a close friend of Johnny’s. He would always complain that he wasn’t paid enough, so sometimes he had to scavenge meals from what was left behind in the trash at the end of the day. Oh god. I miss him so much."
"You're Furnando, huh?" the police detective said. "Sensei told me that those were your chips, which makes you a suspect. I'm sorry, but you'll have to come with me."
Things were starting to come together in Tabitha's mind. The chips, the poop, it was all connected. "Wait!" said Tabitha. "I sat next to Furnando in class yesterday. He ate some of those chips and wouldn't even give me any. And then later he covered the entire boys' restroom in sloppy diarrhea runs from food poisoning. Furnando's a victim, too. Whoever poisoned those chips, it wasn't him."
"Compelling story," said the cop. "But what were you doing in the boys' restroom? That's almost as illegal as this cold-blooded murder.”
"Mr. Officer, leave my students alone," said Mr. Sensei, emerging from the crowd. "It was my mistake. I let him go. Has this tragedy not softened your heart at all? Surely you can find it in yourself to forgive these children, who are simply trying to find their way on the path of life and love like the rest of us. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a class to teach."
Mr. Sensei's students filed into the classroom somberly, and gradually the crowd of students dissipated into their own classrooms. Outside it was raining, and inside it was raining the tears of the boy with the face of a wolf.
After what happened the day before with their conflicting views, Tabitha and Liz refused to talk to each other, so after class, Tabitha found herself walking alone. Alone, that was, until Furnando approached her again.
"Hey, wait up!" said Furnando, and Tabitha stopped walking. "Thanks for saving my ass earlier, I'm too young to go to jail."
"Hm," Tabitha grunted.
"You okay there, buddy?"
"I'm depressed."
"Oh. Well, gotta blast, I have a furry club meeting."
"Furry club? Is that some sort of criminal organization?"
"Basically," said Furnando.
Besides going in the boys' bathroom, Tabitha hadn't committed any crimes since she got expelled from her old school, and she was having serious withdrawals. "How do I join?" she asked, some of the usual enthusiasm back in her voice.
Furnando laughed. "As long as you're breathing they'll let you in. They're desperate. After Jennifur left they came begging for me to join, and with all the drama going on, they'll probably need another replacement soon."
--
"What do you mean, you quit?" yelled a girl in a chihuahua fursuit as Tabitha and Furnando arrived at the bleachers for the meeting.
"Looks like it's your lucky day, Tabitha," said Furnando.
Blinded by white hot rage, the angry chihuahua girl didn't even notice them. "Chevin James, you good for nothing crapsack. Have you no loyalty? After everything we did for you, after everything we've been through, you decide to abandon us in our darkest hour?"
"Yeah, I just feel kinda left out sometimes, so uh, yeah. Sorry guys," said Chevin, walking away.
The chihuahua girl screamed and started punching dents into the bleachers. "I could just murder him!"
"I could do that for you," said Tabitha.
"Who are you?" asked the chihuahua girl.
"My name is Tabitha. I want to join the furry club."
"What does this look like, some sort of charity organization that just gives fursuits to any old pariah? These costumes are expensive."
"Jesus, Bella, calm down," said a different furry, a boy in a lion fursuit. "We just lost another member, we can't afford to reject people like that." He turned to the new arrival. "Tabitha, is it? I'm Leo, the leader of the furries. Welcome to the furry club…for now.”
After Bella calmed down and everyone finished getting ready, Leo called everyone together so the meeting could start.
“Alright everyone,” the lion boy began. “Since we have a new member, I feel it’s necessary to go over why this organization was formed. Polly, can you fill Tabitha in?”
“Yes, sir!” a girl in a colorful parrot fursuit replied, clearing her throat. "In the beginning, there was only darkness. Then God said, 'Let there be popularity.' God saw that the popularity was good, and he separated the popularity from the darkness. God called the popularity 'preps,' and the darkness he called 'goths.' And then came 5:00pm and God clocked out and went home--the first day.
"And God said, 'Let there be a vault to separate the smart from the dumb.' So God made the vault and separated the smart from the dumb. God called the smart 'nerds,' and the dumb he called 'jocks.' And then came 5:00pm and God clocked out and went home--the second day.
"Then God said, 'Let there be a cafeteria, which shall produce foods of various kinds,' and it was so. And God saw that it was good. Then came 5:00pm and God clocked out and went home--the third day.
"And God said, 'Let there be bells in all the classrooms to separate class time from break time,' and it was so. He also made fire drills and earthquake drills for the safety of his beloved children. And God saw that it was good. Then came 5:00pm and God clocked out and went home--the fourth day.
"And God said, 'Let there be cockroaches,' for no apparent reason besides that he wanted to mess with us. But God thought they were good. God blessed them and said, 'Be fruitful and increase in number and fill the classrooms with your offspring.' Then came 5:00pm and God clocked out and went home--the fifth day.
"Then God said, 'Let us make furries in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the students at Overland Park.' God blessed them and said to them, 'Be popular and increase in number; fill the school and subdue it. Rule over the goths, the preps, the jocks and the nerds. I give you every variety of Doritos and every undercooked corndog in the cafeteria. They will be yours for food.' And it was so. God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. And then came 5:00pm and God clocked out and went home--the sixth day.
"And on the seventh day God still wasn't finished yet. God just said, ‘Whatevs,' and clocked out early so he could get home in time to watch the big game with the boys." Polly took a deep breath. "And that's how America was founded."
“Exactly,” said Leo. “God made us furries to be Clovis South’s noble guardians, to keep watch over the school and make sure nobody like your friend Liz (no offense) does anything to harm it.”
“Hey now! Why are you bagging on Liz?” Tabitha exclaimed indignantly. “We might not get along very well anymore, but that doesn’t mean she’s a threat to the school. She only kills people when she has a good reason.”
Leo looked unconvinced, but he dropped the matter. “I apologize,” he apologized. “So, after learning what the furry club stands for, what do you say? Will you stand with us, the noble defenders of Clovis South?”
“Yeah, sure.”
“Great. Then let the ritual begin.”
“Ritual…?” Tabitha began, but she was unable to finish as she was knocked unconscious. When she awoke, she felt different. Her senses were enhanced and she felt stronger. She reached up to her face to discover that her ears had been moved to the top of her head and she had soft fur covering a good portion of her face. Was she a cat now?
Tabitha didn’t have time to dwell on her new body for long, because almost immediately after waking up, she was being monologued at by Bella.
“Oh. My God. Polly is dead. She’s dead because you killed her, Tabby! Do you know what this means?! We could all go to jail. Even worse! It means another member of the furry club we have to replace, and we are running out of good replacements! There’s only one person left who would be willing to join the furry club at this point. If we don’t let Sally Mander join, we’ll be down another member. If we let her in, she’ll warp what this entire organization stands for! Tabby may have killed Polly, but she’s taking the furry club down with her.”
At this point, Tabitha was extremely confused. “I don’t know what you’re talking about! I didn’t kill anyone.”
Leo sighed. “It was during the ritual. You were still unconscious, but you went crazy and killed Bella because you’re a cat and she’s a bird.”
"Who cares about that? There's goddamn human body parts lying around everywhere," Furnando interrupted. "I've already been convicted of murder once today, and that's not gonna happen again. Who's gonna help me hide this body?"
The furry club solemnly collected Polly's remains and threw them in the trashcan outside the cafeteria--Furnando told them that was usually where the Janitor Johnny and the other cafteteria workers gathered their ingredients for lunch the next day. The body would then be completely disposed of, and there wouldn't be any wasted food either.
It started to rain, washing the blood off the scene of the crime. But no amount of rain could wash the blood out of the cheer team's consciences, or clear their minds of the promise of impending doom.
--
One of the rules of being in the furry club was that they had to sit together for lunch. I hope Liz doesn't feel lonely without me, thought Tabitha as she stood in the lunch line with the others.
"They've gone TOO far this time!" an angry Leo hissed as he approached the front of the line.
“Now with vegan options?!" Furnando gasped in horror. "This is a high school cafeteria, why are there vegan options? There's no way this hippie joint can replace Janitor Johnny’s homecooked frozen chicken nuggets."
"Actually, it looks like it can," said Leo grimly. Everyone was raving about the new cafeteria food. "This is a travesty for carnivores everywhere."
Tabitha had never been so confused. They were furries, not actual cats, lions, and wolves. They could still eat vegetables if they had to! As they all sat down, she was about to ask the question when an unfamiliar girl with the face of a salamander approached them. Tabitha could feel the tension in the air as the whole furry club stared daggers into the new girl.
Leo narrowed his eyes. “Sally Mander. Just what do you want?”
"I'm here to take over the position of alpha furry," Sally said confidently.
Leo laughed. "How are you supposed to do that when you don’t even have fur? You’re just an ugly, useless little scaly."
"Well, I know that the furries always sit together, and I noticed Polly isn't with you today...That means you're looking for another replacement. Face it, Leo, you need me. Nobody else wants to join your club of weirdos. Make me alpha furry, and I'll return Clovis South to what it once was. Don't forget, I'm rich. I can do things for the cheer program you middle class losers couldn't even dream of."
"The thing is," said Leo, "Tabby here surpasses both Chevin and Polly in skill. She more than makes up for what we lost from those two. We'll never need you on this team, Sally. Not now, not ever."
"Let's stop playing games here, Leo," Sally fired back, her tone darkening. "I know what happened at yesterday's meeting. If you don't make me alpha, I'll tell Principal Donrump that the furry club is responsible for Polly’s death."
A look of horror crossed Leo's face. "What?! How did you--we hid the body and everything!"
"I was there the whole time. I knew Chevin was going to quit, so I planned on coming to the meeting to take her spot. What I didn't count on was this girl showing up too," Sally said, glancing towards Tabitha. "Anyway, I decided to stay hidden and watch the whole practice to figure out the club's weaknesses, of which I observed many. After Tabitha killed Polly, I had everything I needed... So, Leo, what's it gonna be?" 
"Well, I guess I have no choice," Leo said through gritted teeth. The lion boy turned to his club, the look of defeat on his face. "Behold, your new Clovis South furry club alpha."
Sally smiled. "I'll see you all at next week’s meeting, then."
--
It was time for the meeting. “It’s time for the meeting,” Sally said. “Oh also, I got us a faculty supervisor.”
“Supervisor?” hissed Leo. “We’ve never had a supervisor. We’re furries, we govern ourselves.”
“You can’t be an official school club without a supervisor,” Sally said matter-of-factly. “Everyone, meet our new supervisor, Mr. McMike.”
“I don’t see a supervisor anywhere,” Bella said. “Wait, what the—”
“SURPRISE!” Mr. McMike hollered, materializing out of thin air and knocking Bella out with a swift boot to the head. “Can you see me now?” he said, flashing a mouth full of unnaturally shiny white teeth.
“Of course she can’t, you knocked her unconscious!” Furnando growled.
Mr. McMike scratched his head. “Oh, I guess you’re right.”
“I thought you were going to help the furry club, Sally, not give us all concussions,” said Leo bitterly.
Mr. McMike patted the angry lion boy on the back. “Hey now, this is no time for negativity! We’re about to make the furry club the best it’s ever been. First order of business, new uniforms!” Mr. McMike proceeded to pull out several chameleon suits that matched his own.
“I would not be caught dead wearing that,” said Leo, and everyone else seemed to agree. They were furries, not scalies!
“Aw, come on guys, it’ll help with team bonding!” said Mr. McMike enthusiastically “Don’t get me wrong, I like all your costumes right now. But they’re a little too individualized for a unified team, don’t you think?”
“That’s the point, our fursuits express who we are,” Furnando growled through gritted teeth.
Even though Tabitha had only been with the furry club for a week, she knew enough about it to know that Mr. McMike wasn’t going to help them at all. “I’ve had it with this buffoon,” she said, and crouched into a hunting position, ready to attack.
The other furries, excepting the alpha, all followed Tabitha’s lead. Together, they took down Mr. McMike. “How’s that for team bonding?” Furnando howled victoriously as they surrounded the supervisor’s dead body.
“My God,” Sally whispered, voice shaking. “I can’t believe you just killed him. We’re all going to jail.”
Furnando laughed. “You said it yourself: you’re rich. If we got caught, you could just bail us out.”
Sally’s face was horrified, but she agreed that it would be for the best if no one found out about the furry club’s second murder and reluctantly helped the others hide the body.
--
The next day at lunch, nobody talked. It seemed as if the furry club’s sins were finally getting to them, and they all sat around the table in guilty silence until Furnando suddenly shrieked, “JANITOR JOHNNY?”
Everybody’s faces whipped around in disbelief. There in front of them was Janitor Johnny, alive and well as if he’d never eaten those poisoned chips. He was flanked by Polly and Mr. McMike, who had also been presumed dead.
“What the fudge nuggets is going on?” said Leo.
“I’ll tell you what’s going on,” an ominous voice said. Liz emerged from the shadows with a knife in her hand. “Today is the day the furry club is finally eliminated.”
Sally got up to join Liz, sadness in her eyes. “I’m sorry it had to come to this, Liz. I did everything I could. They simply will not reform their murderous ways.”
“Which is why they must die,” said Liz, charging forward to stab Bella in the chest. Blood seeped through her chihuahua fursuit and onto the floor as she collapsed, never to take another breath.
A security guard noticed the commotion and rushed in. “Hey! No weapons at school,” he chastised Liz.
“It’s for religious purposes,” she replied, and the security guard backed off.
“Oh, I’m sorry. Carry on.”
Liz now approached Leo with her bloodied knife, along with Janitor Johnny and the other zombies.
The lion boy wasn’t so brave now. He backed into a corner, large paws covering his face as he begged for mercy. “Please Liz, I’ll do anything!”
“Anything?”
“Yes, anything!”
“Then perish.” Liz raised her arm to give Polly the command to attack. The bird girl launched herself at Leo, using a sword to slice his head clean off.
There were only two furries left. Tabitha clung tightly to Furnando, awaiting their certain death. All she managed to say was, “Liz…Why?”
“Why? WHY?” Liz growled, clenching her fist. “You remember when Furnando said I was in his spot and wanted me to leave? That’s why. Revenge is a dish best served cold, sweetie.”
Tabitha was dumbfounded. “Okay, but that was literally two weeks ago. The dish isn’t even cold anymore at this point. It’s been sitting out for so long it grew mold and had to be thrown away.”
“You’re missing the point!” hissed Liz. “Furnando was trying to get me out of the way so he could brainwash you into joining the furry club. Let me guess, they told you that appropriated Book of Genesis story as their club’s history? I always knew you were stupid, Tabitha, but I didn’t expect you to believe that. It’s twisted, Tabby, using the Bible to promote their devilish ways. All they are at their core is a cult of hypocrites that performs human experiments. Did you ever wonder why Leo, Bella, and Polly wore fursuits instead of having actual animal features like the rest of the club? They were the ones behind all the experiments, willing to put others through hell for their research but too scared to undergo the transformation themselves. What’s worse, they discriminate against people whose spirit animal manifests itself in the ritual as anything other than a mammal. Do you have any clue what they did to me?” Liz pointed at her face.
“They dyed your hair?”
“No.”
“They…made you get a face tattoo?”
“No! They turned me into a goddamn humanoid snake freak, Tabitha! And then when they didn’t like the results they just discarded me. They kicked me out of the furry club, the only place on earth I could possibly fit in. Do you know what my mom did when she saw my face? She had my name legally changed from Elizabeth to LIZARD!”
“Oh. Well if it’s any consolation, I thought you just looked like that naturally,” Tabitha responded.
Furnando was quiet the whole time as he reflected on his sins.
“Do you have anything to say for yourself, Furnando?” Liz hissed at him.
“It’s all true,” the wolf boy said quietly. “And about Polly? When they said Tabitha killed her, it was a lie. It was Leo who did it. Polly’s fursona wasn’t a mammal, and when he saw that Tabitha’s fursona was a cat, he finally had a good excuse for killing her off.”
Tabitha was relieved. That meant she was only responsible for one murder instead of two! Liz, however, seemed even more disgusted with the wolf boy.
“So you were in the know too, then? And you still decided to bring Tabitha into all of this. How coldblooded do you have to be to take advantage of an innocent transfer student like that?”
“I didn’t have a choice. Since I caught Leo and Bella talking about their plans, they threatened to kill me if I didn’t bring in more members. B-but I never killed anyone!”
Liz’s eyes were cold. “You hurt my best friend Tabitha, so you must die.” Liz sent Janitor Johnny to attack Furnando, but before he could end it all, Tabitha jumped in front of him.
“Enough, Liz!” she cried, tears streaming down her face. “Janitor Johnny, do you have any idea how much Furnando cared about you? How he cried when he thought you were dead? How could you try to kill someone who loved you so much?”
The custodian remained silent, and Liz started to laugh. “You fool, Janitor Johnny is dead. And you know what? I’m the one who killed him. He ingested my venom, so now I’m able to control him. I was hoping to kill Furnando instead so I could have a spy on the inside, but now you’ve forced me to go to desperate measures. All these people you see here, I am able to control through necromancy. There’s no escape, not when I have an army to back me up.”
“Liz, no!” Tabitha cried again. She couldn’t believe this was happening. “I won’t let you do this! You aren’t helping me at all by killing Furnando because I... I love him!”
“You’re in love with someone who treated you like that? How dumb can a person be?”
But nobody made any further moves. Liz couldn’t attack Furnando without hurting Tabitha, and Tabitha refused to attack her best friend. Furnando couldn’t bring himself to kill anyone else, so he stayed behind Tabitha, a crying mess. Was there anyone who could resolve this deadlock?
“Well, well, well, what have we here?” Mr. Sensei approached the trio, a disapproving look on his face. The English teacher sighed, taking Liz’s knife away and gesturing for everyone to sit down. “You guys are in big trouble, you know that? You’re lucky I’m here instead of Principal Donrump or the police.”
The three students looked at the ground in shame.
Mr. Sensei chuckled. “You know, you remind me of myself when I was your age. You know what? I’ll let you three off with detention if you promise to never do this again. And…if you let me use this as writing material.”
Liz, Tabitha, and Furnando exchanged glances, the looks in their eyes conveying more than words ever could. None of them were free of sin, but none of them had sinister intentions either. Despite their animal-like appearances, they were only humans at heart. It was like Mr. Sensei had said earlier: they were simply trying to find their way on the path of life and love like everyone else. The lizard girl, cat girl, and wolf boy turned back to Mr. Sensei, nodding their agreement.
“Great,” said Mr. Sensei with an understanding smile. “Now let’s go back to English class.”

15
LightClan / cookies & cream // joining
« on: April 13, 2018, 07:56:33 pm »
as oreo wandered deeper into the forest, the scent of twolegplace faded away and was replaced with the pleasant aroma of flowers and trees, clear water and fresh air. the young turkish van took a deep breath to take everything in. she’d heard of the cats who made a home here, and had made up her mind that she would too. she couldn’t let them have this beautiful place all to themselves!

oreo sat near the border, black tail wrapped loosely around creamy white paws. she was a smart girl, so of course she’d done her research before deciding to join this group. the clan had just started up, and surely it didn’t have many members yet. oreo was sure they would accept her, her confidence reflected in her calmly lidded odd eyes.

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