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this is a horrible joke fanfic about hunter x hunter, read at ur own risk
Tonight was a special night. Chrollo was all dressed up in a fancy suit, with his weird forehead cross tattoo covered so the public wouldn’t judge him. He had even broken into someone’s house to take a shower. Tonight, he was taking you out on a date.
You sat in the car next to him, singing along to his favorite song, Thrift Shop by Macklemore. Soon you could see it: the bright yellow McDonald’s sign shining like a beacon in the night as the two of you approached the shopping center.
“Since we’re almost there, what’s your order?” Chrollo asked. “Choose something from the dollar menu. Or we can get a McPick 2.”
You loved how thrifty he was! Chrollo really knew how to save his money.
“I’ll have a McChicken, no mayo,” you replied as you two entered the parking lot.
Chrollo parked the car and unbuckled his seatbelt. Then he pulled out a gun.
“Alright, wait in the car while I go get the burgers.”
“Babe do you really have to steal 2 burgers.”
“Robbery is a lifestyle not a hobby, [y/n].”
“It’s like $2 worth of food, you’re just inconveniencing yourself at this point.”
Chrollo started to protest, but he knew you were right. “Fine. We’ll go to the drive thru.”
He pulled out of the parking spot and drove around to the drive thru entrance.
“Welcome to McDonald’s, may I take your order?” a muffled voice came through the speaker thing.
“Yeah, can I get uhhh the McPick 2 for $2 with one spicy McChicken, no mayo, and one 10 piece chicken McNuggets.”
“I’m sorry sir, did you mean the McPick 2 for $5?”
“No, the McPick 2 for $2.”
“It’s $5 now.”
“Gimme a sec.” Chrollo paused and looked at the menu again. “Alright, scratch the McNuggets. Give me a cheeseburger, no cheese, no lettuce or whatever other strange vegetables you put on them. And no ketchup either. Just give me the meat and the bun.”
“Will that be all for today, sir?”
“Yes.”
“Would you like to add a small drink for $1?”
“I just said that would be all for today.”
“Alright, I have a spicy McChicken and a cheeseburger with just the meat and bun, is that correct?”
“No mayo.”
“The cheeseburger doesn’t come with mayo.”
“No, on the McChicken.”
“No mayo on the McChicken?”
“Yes.”
“Yes, mayo on the McChicken?”
“No, no mayo on the McChicken.”
“Okay. That’ll be $2 at the next window.”
“**** dumb ****,” Chrollo cursed under his breath as he pulled up to the next window.
You were distracted looking at your phone, so Chrollo’s loud reaction to seeing the cashier made you jump a little in your seat.
“Hisoka?! You work at McDonald’s?” he exclaimed, disgust written on his face.
You X’ed out of the Kim Kardashian app and looked up. Sure enough, that clown was on shift, looking like Ronald McDonald himself.
“You eat at McDonald’s? I thought you had more expensive tastes,” Hisoka countered, wearing a sly grin. “Well, this was the only place that would hire me without making me change my appearance. Clown rights!”
“I’m on a date,” Chrollo explained, just to flex on Hisoka’s lonely ass.
“Without me? That’s so unsexy of you,” Hisoka pouted.
“Can you just give us the **** food?” said Chrollo.
“I’m afraid I can’t. You still haven’t paid.”
Chrollo actually didn’t bring any money with him since he originally planned on stealing the burgers, so he didn’t know what to do.
“I got it,” you said, pulling out your wallet and grabbing some money. You wanted to get rid of your change, so you counted $2 in coins and handed them to Chrollo to give to Hisoka.
Hisoka counted the change and said, “You’re still 5 cents short.”
“No we’re not,” you said.
“Yeah you are,” he said.
“No look, we gave you 7 quarters so that’s $1.75, plus 2 dimes and a nickel which equals $2. You must be confusing the nickels and dimes.”
“Perhaps,” he conceded, then he turned away to grab the food and handed it to Chrollo. “Alright, here’s your naked burger and spicy McChicken without mayo.”
“Please don’t call it that,” said Chrollo.
“What else would I call it? It’s a **** McChicken.”
“No the burger.”
“Naked burger?”
“Stop it.”
“Make me.”
Chrollo drove away.
You reached in the bag and grabbed your McChicken. “Do you want your burger right now?” you asked.
“No, I’m driving,” he said.
“Okay.” You left his in the bag and started to unwrap yours. You were about to take a bite when you noticed the revolting white substance on the lettuce. “**** crackhead put mayo on this,” you grumbled.
“We’re going back.”
“No it’s okay, I’ll just wipe it off.”
“The dipshit probably did it on purpose. We’re going back and getting what we paid for,” he said.
Chrollo didn’t hesitate. He drove straight past the speaker box thing to the pay window.
“Back already? Couldn’t resist our juicy buns?” Hisoka purred, resting his elbows on the windowsill like he was waiting for you guys to come.
“You messed up our order,” Chrollo deadpanned.
“Oh, was your burger not naked enough? Do you just want the box this time?”
“Don’t mock my tastes. You know good and well what you did. Fix it.”
“What’ll you do if I don’t?”
A moment of baffled silence passed. “Can I speak to the manager?” Chrollo demanded.
“Oh? What do you think he’ll do? Punish me? Nngh, I’m so turned on.”
“Forget it! Just give me the McChicken.”
“You’ll have to beg me for it!” Hisoka teased.
Chrollo lost it. He got out of the car and jumped through the pay window, tackling Hisoka to the ground. You couldn’t see anything, but the clanking of pots and pans told you someone was getting beat up. Chrollo soon reappeared with the new McChicken in his hand. By the time he got the car started up again, Hisoka was back at the window, bleeding from the forehead. “No tip?” he called out after you as you drove away.
“This is why I just stick to stealing ****,” Chrollo said.
“Understandable,” you said.
“Oh, here’s the McChicken. Sorry if it got a little smashed,” he said, handing you the sandwich.
“It’s okay, thanks for getting it for me,” you said.
“No problem. And sorry this date was so terrible, I wasn’t counting on him working there. Thought he was unemployed.”
“I’m just glad I got to spend time with you,” you said, leaning over to kiss him on the cheek.
Then the two of you drove back to the dumpster behind Burger King where Chrollo lived so you could eat your food at long last.
Tonight was a special night. Chrollo was all dressed up in a fancy suit, with his weird forehead cross tattoo covered so the public wouldn’t judge him. He had even broken into someone’s house to take a shower. Tonight, he was taking you out on a date.
You sat in the car next to him, singing along to his favorite song, Thrift Shop by Macklemore. Soon you could see it: the bright yellow McDonald’s sign shining like a beacon in the night as the two of you approached the shopping center.
“Since we’re almost there, what’s your order?” Chrollo asked. “Choose something from the dollar menu. Or we can get a McPick 2.”
You loved how thrifty he was! Chrollo really knew how to save his money.
“I’ll have a McChicken, no mayo,” you replied as you two entered the parking lot.
Chrollo parked the car and unbuckled his seatbelt. Then he pulled out a gun.
“Alright, wait in the car while I go get the burgers.”
“Babe do you really have to steal 2 burgers.”
“Robbery is a lifestyle not a hobby, [y/n].”
“It’s like $2 worth of food, you’re just inconveniencing yourself at this point.”
Chrollo started to protest, but he knew you were right. “Fine. We’ll go to the drive thru.”
He pulled out of the parking spot and drove around to the drive thru entrance.
“Welcome to McDonald’s, may I take your order?” a muffled voice came through the speaker thing.
“Yeah, can I get uhhh the McPick 2 for $2 with one spicy McChicken, no mayo, and one 10 piece chicken McNuggets.”
“I’m sorry sir, did you mean the McPick 2 for $5?”
“No, the McPick 2 for $2.”
“It’s $5 now.”
“Gimme a sec.” Chrollo paused and looked at the menu again. “Alright, scratch the McNuggets. Give me a cheeseburger, no cheese, no lettuce or whatever other strange vegetables you put on them. And no ketchup either. Just give me the meat and the bun.”
“Will that be all for today, sir?”
“Yes.”
“Would you like to add a small drink for $1?”
“I just said that would be all for today.”
“Alright, I have a spicy McChicken and a cheeseburger with just the meat and bun, is that correct?”
“No mayo.”
“The cheeseburger doesn’t come with mayo.”
“No, on the McChicken.”
“No mayo on the McChicken?”
“Yes.”
“Yes, mayo on the McChicken?”
“No, no mayo on the McChicken.”
“Okay. That’ll be $2 at the next window.”
“**** dumb ****,” Chrollo cursed under his breath as he pulled up to the next window.
You were distracted looking at your phone, so Chrollo’s loud reaction to seeing the cashier made you jump a little in your seat.
“Hisoka?! You work at McDonald’s?” he exclaimed, disgust written on his face.
You X’ed out of the Kim Kardashian app and looked up. Sure enough, that clown was on shift, looking like Ronald McDonald himself.
“You eat at McDonald’s? I thought you had more expensive tastes,” Hisoka countered, wearing a sly grin. “Well, this was the only place that would hire me without making me change my appearance. Clown rights!”
“I’m on a date,” Chrollo explained, just to flex on Hisoka’s lonely ass.
“Without me? That’s so unsexy of you,” Hisoka pouted.
“Can you just give us the **** food?” said Chrollo.
“I’m afraid I can’t. You still haven’t paid.”
Chrollo actually didn’t bring any money with him since he originally planned on stealing the burgers, so he didn’t know what to do.
“I got it,” you said, pulling out your wallet and grabbing some money. You wanted to get rid of your change, so you counted $2 in coins and handed them to Chrollo to give to Hisoka.
Hisoka counted the change and said, “You’re still 5 cents short.”
“No we’re not,” you said.
“Yeah you are,” he said.
“No look, we gave you 7 quarters so that’s $1.75, plus 2 dimes and a nickel which equals $2. You must be confusing the nickels and dimes.”
“Perhaps,” he conceded, then he turned away to grab the food and handed it to Chrollo. “Alright, here’s your naked burger and spicy McChicken without mayo.”
“Please don’t call it that,” said Chrollo.
“What else would I call it? It’s a **** McChicken.”
“No the burger.”
“Naked burger?”
“Stop it.”
“Make me.”
Chrollo drove away.
You reached in the bag and grabbed your McChicken. “Do you want your burger right now?” you asked.
“No, I’m driving,” he said.
“Okay.” You left his in the bag and started to unwrap yours. You were about to take a bite when you noticed the revolting white substance on the lettuce. “**** crackhead put mayo on this,” you grumbled.
“We’re going back.”
“No it’s okay, I’ll just wipe it off.”
“The dipshit probably did it on purpose. We’re going back and getting what we paid for,” he said.
Chrollo didn’t hesitate. He drove straight past the speaker box thing to the pay window.
“Back already? Couldn’t resist our juicy buns?” Hisoka purred, resting his elbows on the windowsill like he was waiting for you guys to come.
“You messed up our order,” Chrollo deadpanned.
“Oh, was your burger not naked enough? Do you just want the box this time?”
“Don’t mock my tastes. You know good and well what you did. Fix it.”
“What’ll you do if I don’t?”
A moment of baffled silence passed. “Can I speak to the manager?” Chrollo demanded.
“Oh? What do you think he’ll do? Punish me? Nngh, I’m so turned on.”
“Forget it! Just give me the McChicken.”
“You’ll have to beg me for it!” Hisoka teased.
Chrollo lost it. He got out of the car and jumped through the pay window, tackling Hisoka to the ground. You couldn’t see anything, but the clanking of pots and pans told you someone was getting beat up. Chrollo soon reappeared with the new McChicken in his hand. By the time he got the car started up again, Hisoka was back at the window, bleeding from the forehead. “No tip?” he called out after you as you drove away.
“This is why I just stick to stealing ****,” Chrollo said.
“Understandable,” you said.
“Oh, here’s the McChicken. Sorry if it got a little smashed,” he said, handing you the sandwich.
“It’s okay, thanks for getting it for me,” you said.
“No problem. And sorry this date was so terrible, I wasn’t counting on him working there. Thought he was unemployed.”
“I’m just glad I got to spend time with you,” you said, leaning over to kiss him on the cheek.
Then the two of you drove back to the dumpster behind Burger King where Chrollo lived so you could eat your food at long last.